quarantine

S02E21: Genre Bending with Multi-Talented Musician, Christian Sparacio

After an introduction ambush from Season One crowd favorite, Izzy B., The Chrises are joined by indie something singer/songwriter, Christian Sparacio. The triple backflip double toeloop swing set acrobat provides master classes on how not to spill a full glass of whole milk while mimicking the sound of a cow bell. In Christian’s quest to find unique ways to make rare sounds, the Team Chris quarterback/wide receiver seeks to turn his shoulder clicks into a polyrhythm. Concurrently, 3D prints of his infamous shoulder are being manufactured by Bill Nye the Science Guy to help fellow bartenders carbonate beer to reach an even tastier level. Always on the offense, but not easy to offend, the former collegiate student-athlete calls multiple audibles with an accoutrement of his new favorite head wear—beanies. Having developed a sense of home within himself, the Resident of the Earth takes the world into parallel universes with his cozy, Fireside Chat Monday rendition of his newest ethereal ballad, Pacific AM.

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S02E20: The Chrises Magical Mystery Tour with Surprise Guest, Justin “The Godfather” Wozney

Magical Mystery Friday brings out all the surprises as The Chrises are joined by the unexpected and much welcomed Lobster King, Justin Wozney. South Bay’s very own Aquaman comes up for air to gab about Disney World turkey legs and beach bum ice cream. A staunch believer in a good thirst quench and chafe relief, the free spirit lets it fly with The Chrises about avoiding oceanic salt water in the loins and chasing waterfalls in Yosemite. After not being nominated for a prestigious @QWTChrises Best Guest Emmy (unlike both his Mother and Grandma DeYoung), Justin hits The Chrises with some tough news to swallow—he will be moving to Boston at the end of September. Wanting to continue the shared experience shredding the sweet quarantine life gnar gnar, the original trio replays nothing but the hits, just like 95.5 WPLJ.

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S02E19: Repeating History With Ancient Civilization Educator & Full Time Debater, Aiden K.

The Chrises dive into the history books to compose an episode for the ages with the professor of successors, Aiden K. While history tends to repeat itself, the middle school educator focuses on teaching life lessons to the cancel culture generation. The Chrises learn how George Washington took notes from the Roman Empire to build the democratic foundation of America and how two brothers (not named Chris) encouraged the post-Republic era to make changes to ensure the longevity of the polity. Only time will tell if perpetual political conflicts reduce the United States’ superpower status to the coronavirus fate of department stores. Until then, the three muggles debate on pandemics in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter and conclude that nothing matters.

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S02E18: The Chrises Are Voters With Founding Member of I am a voter., Sunny Jenkins

The Chrises sign up for the finest slice of democracy pie with Sunny Jenkins—communications guru and founding member of voting’s greatest publicist, I am a voter. The nonpartisan movement aims to create a cultural shift around voting and civic engagement by unifying around a central truth: democracy works best when we all participate. Leading with the motto “Friends don’t let friends skip elections”, Sunny ensures the Chrises avoid FOMO at the upcoming United States 2020 Presidential Vote-Chella by texting “VOTER” to 26797 live on-air. An immediate response is received from Zoey at I am a voter., and within minutes The Chrises are provided with all the information needed to vote in confidence. Casting an early ballot alá Sunny will ensure the grandest prize of them all, an “I Voted” sticker – which pairs perfectly with a Peloton Century Club 100th ride t-shirt.

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S02E17: Tapping Over Borders with the CEO of Ottawa Valley Step Dance, Emily Yarascavitch

Emily Yarascavitch steps up and fiddles with The Chrises’ hearts as she teaches the boys how to Ottawa Valley Step Dance. The Queen of Coordination also performs a brand new sneak peek violin solo from her band, @TartanTerrors, upcoming album set named “The Cousins”. The Chrises are befuddled by the difference between a violin and fiddle, but Emily clarifies that they are synonymous terms, dependent upon the audience. While the lifelong sock-less tapper continues to please the crowd with a top notch step freestyle to a classic Celtic fiddle remix, the happy footed duo hop to satisfactorily pass Level Three of Emily’s basic training. Zoom Canada’s most in demand fiddle/violin and step teacher shares some pro tips: patience, balance, tap to a beat, and don’t smell your feet.

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S02E16: Making Pottery Look Easy with William Duvall from a Niagara Falls Strip Mall

William Duvall drops the clay mic on The Chrises during his cross-country American road tour making pottery and connecting with kindled spirits. After losing his catering job due to the coronavirus, William made the best of the situation and turned a three day trip into a lifelong journey. Now living the dream and doing what he loves everyday, the Traveling Potter turns a Holiday Inn parking lot into a fine ceramics studio. William grills up clay cylinders on his 80-pound Skutt pottery wheel after The Chrises’ curious request for handle-less mugs (now called cups). Clay Papa dives into the CliffsNotes of the official dad handbook and gives tips for all those facing hiccups and looking to get creative.

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S02E15: TRL Fancy Friday with The Chrises’ Favourite “Actor Who Moves”, Tony Moore

The Chrises are joined by the King of Swipes and Host of @DishinDays, Tony Moore, on the final stop of his coronation parade into Instagram Gold Star 10K follower status (before it’s 2000 and late). The Smoothest Criminal, Tony uses his good standing with Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti to pull off epic Tony Request Live Instagram dance parties every Friday afternoon without having his water and/or power shut off. In The Chrises’ newest gameshow segment, “Tickle Your Pickle”, Ralph’s most loyal supermarket sweeper gets turned on jiving about frosting, angels, wings, and things. After revealing his soft spot for Wendy’s, the run through professional divulges he will happily accept Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers and Frostys in exchange for his TonlyFans hot cakes.

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S02E14: Releasing Traumatic Stress & Improving Performance (Because The Chrises are Human) with Garrett Wood

The Chrises go into deep hypnosis over big, juicy, sour lemons from the Human Knowledge Tree, Garrett Wood of Gnosis Therapy. Finding the magic of hypnotherapy has helped Garrett handle personal triggers of trauma and become less of an a-hole. With FOMO and Instagram influencers a thing of the past, the Indiana Jones of Therapy talks about anxiety being the current shared emotional zeitgeist, and he answers questions flying in from the 24 hour Chrises hotline. Garrett implores people to find coping mechanisms without perfect results and negative externalities, such as coloring or slapping the bass guitar. When he’s not busy healing the world, the citrus coffee connoisseur has been dusting off his skateboard, pumping up his paddle board, and parkouring around Long Beach.

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RSV01E01: Splash Pad With The Future Mrs. McDreamy, Jessica Kellum, with Guest Co-Host Cara Miranda

Ryan’s Summer Vacation featuring a week of co-hosts with Christopher Michaels starts off with a splash as Cara Miranda joins in on the fun. Tie dye and used Pottery Barn expert, Jessica Kellum, zooms in early to show off her surprisingly strong vocal cords and drops a bomb on viewers bigger than Kanye’s presidential bid. The Glow Up Gals continue to Glow and Grow past 4,000 podcast downloads but still can’t seem to locate Los Angeles on a map. Apple slices and 14ers are all young Asher needs to stay independent from the future RHW of South Orange County.

Guests: https://www.instagram.com/glowupgalspodcast
Jessica Kellum @jkilzem
Co-Host Cara Miranda @caraconnects

QWTChrises.com ~ Patreon.com/QWTChrises ~ GoFundMe w/ Okizu “No Hair For Care” (gofundme.com/f/no-hair-for-care)

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S01E89: First Ever Foursome with The Glow Up Gals Podcast (@glowupgalspodcast)

The Chrises burn bright with the Glow Up Gals Podcast; the golden alchemists who have accumulated over 4,000 downloads. Finally making their own mothers proud with a foursome, The Chrises meet their match as Jessica breaks all the laws and Cara passes out all the White Claws. The Glow Up Gals Podcast disclose their glow…

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